Desi Single: Baby Mama Drama
Being in your 30’s and single has its perks….you have no real responsibilities, all the money you make is for yourself, you can engage in self-discovery, you can choose to pick up after yourself in your own place or not….
There is also a downside to being single, you may want children and have a ticking biological clock inside of you, you may thrive off of love and affection, there may be no security, etc, etc….
If you are in your 30’s, single and loving it, then don’t change a thing, enjoy your freedom and keep moving. However, if you are fretting about your age and feeling the tick tock of the clock then maybe you should consider other options…
After dating in your 20’s and 30’s, you have learned enough about yourself and what you can expect from the Universe. If dating isn’t your thing and the men who are crossing your path don’t seem to be stepping up to the plate, then maybe it is time to re-evaluate your current situation.
Desi Single Mother
It is not uncommon for women to want to start a family without the help of a husband. I mean the divorce rate is so high; a lot of women are raising their children in single family households. There have even been movies out demonstrating the biological desire for a woman to get pregnant and raise a child on her own (e.g. ‘Baby Mama’ starring Tina Fey; ‘The Switch’ starring Jennifer Aniston; and ‘The Back up Plan’ starring Jennifer Lopez).
Choosing to raise a child on your own is not easy. However, you should not be deprived of the opportunity because you could not find your soul mate.
You may have everything in life, the finances, the cushy job, a supportive family, the beautiful house and great car. However there may be still a void in your life that you just can’t seem to fill, no matter how hard you try. Below are several options for you to consider, when thinking about starting your own family independent of the boyfriend/husband.
Desi Single Mother: Sex the old fashion way
If you are going to have a baby, you might as well have fun trying. Another option is to take one of your oldest and bestest guy friends and enjoy a night of pure passion. Picture Saif Ali Khan during the night and that should do the trick. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If a little miracle comes through, you can raise the child separately or together. Who knows sparks might eventually fly. Agreements sometimes develop between old friends of the opposite sex, if neither of you are married by a certain age, then you marry each other. Why wait? There is no time like the present.
Desi Single Mother: In Vitro Fertilization
In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is a process in which egg cells are fertilized by sperm outside the body. IVF is a major treatment in infertility when other methods of assisted reproductive technology have failed. The process involves hormonally controlling the ovulatory process, removing ova (eggs) from the women’s ovaries and letting sperm fertilize them in fluid medium. The fertilized egg is then transferred to the patient’s uterus with the attempt to establish a successful pregnancy. This method is an expensive method to try. However, if you have trust issues and you don’t believe in casual sex, then this may be a good option for you. It may take several attempts to be successful. But at the end, it will be worth it.
Desi Single Mother: Surrogacy
Surrogacy is an arrangement where a woman agrees to become pregnant and deliver a child for another couple or person. She may be the child’s genetic mother (the more traditional form of surrogacy) or she may carry the pregnancy to delivery after having been implanted with an embryo with another female’s genetics. Hmm, I am not sure how I feel about surrogacy. I have seen a number of lifetime movies where the surrogate mother changes her mind and wants full custody of the baby. It then creates havoc on the person who is looking to have a baby. If you trust the surrogate mother and you have an iron clad legal contract, then surrogacy might be worth trying.
Desi Single Mother: Adoption
Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another who is not kin, and in doing so, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities from the original parent or parents. Adoption is intended to effect a permanent change in status and in such requires societal recognition, either through legal or religious sanction. The upside of adoption is you get to give a child that has been given up by his/her biological parents a home. There is no sweeter service than that. The downside of adoption is that you don’t get to experience the joy of pregnancy and the pain of giving birth. The child you will be raising won’t have any of your genes and will come with a whole new genetic package. Make sure that you are ready for that.
It is not easy being in your 30’s…whatever choices you make, could affect the rest of your life. However, always remember, that you could never make the wrong decision.
XOXO
Monica Marwah
(llustrations: (C) Dipanjan Bose)
( Monica Marwah is a 30-something school psychologist in Philadelphia. After wandering the singles scene for years, she learned invaluable lessons on life, dating and relationships. Now comfortably living life in her 30’s, she is sharing her own experiences on what it is like to break away from the traditional desi trend and live a life of your own. )
Related Articles:
The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing?
6 Comments
Thanks for taking the time to respond, I think it’s great to have open dialog about topics like this. There’s rarely ever a clear cut answer to everything, but as long as there is thinking going on in the decision making process then there’s hope.
Here’s just one example of why I asked the last question about problems w/ desis finding desis to marry: http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=213
– it seems as if we don’t like something about who we as a group have become here in the US. We’re either marrying out or staying single I guess (at least according to this post ha)
Hey Pathik-
Great comment…one does need to consider the child and their needs, however some women feel as if they can do it all and be a good parent. All parents make mistakes, it’s human nature, it doesn’t mean the child will be less better off if he/she only starts out life with one parent. There is still a lot of suffering among the youth that comes from two parent households. The divorce rate is so high, a lot of children are being raised in single families…it is part of the new trend….life is what you make of it…whoever makes this kind of decision should consider themselves and their child.
On another note, there is nothing wrong with desi men, the right chemistry just needs to develop between single people….
xoxo
Monica
“Choosing to raise a child on your own is not easy. However, you should not be deprived of the opportunity because you could not find your soul mate.”
I’m just playing the devil’s advocate here: Should your child be deprived of a complete upbringing because you didn’t want to miss out on this great “opportunity” in life? Say you are still a single mom and you have your cushy job that you need to attend after you have this child, does the baby go to the sitter/daycare? Is that the “ideal” scenario for the child? But hey at least you took advantage of your opportunity and aren’t lonely anymore. Right?
“I feel that desi women are staying away from options like this and I wanted to make them aware that this can be done in our culture as well…”
I guess “our culture” here means “whatever it is that brown people do these days” as opposed to our traditional culture – one that looks out for the best interest of all beings and not just the poor 30 year old desi girl who might miss out on life’s opportunities. I think that’s part of the reason why this post doesn’t sit well. I’m not against the idea of single moms and I completely understand that many don’t have a choice, but when you do have a choice I think it has to be made by taking more than yourself into consideration.
In a somewhat unrelated topic – what is wrong w/ desi men today? (or if stated in a more related manner: why are desi women having problems finding someone to marry?)
Hi Kriti-
I am glad you liked the blog. I feel that desi women are staying away from options like this and I wanted to make them aware that this can be done in our culture as well…
Thanks, Kriti – the biological clock is ticking away as so many women defer marriage or child-bearing due to careers or simply not having found the right partner. Would be great to have some people sharing their experiences here, using a nickname if they so choose.
Great topic Lavina! IVF is becoming so popular these days. I have a couple of friends who are going that way. There is definitely a sort of trend being set.