South Asians and My Big Fat Desi Wedding
When I was growing up in Delhi, India, I recall even our dolls got locked in holy matrimony and had a Big, Fat Desi Wedding, thanks to our indulgent parents. My friend and I, as tweens, dressed up the bride and groom, invited all our friends and had a wedding at the Chelmsford Club, with sandwiches, pakoras, chips and Coke!
India is indeed a marriage-mad culture – in fact the whole of South Asia has ‘shaadi’ on its mind. The biggest, brightest events are always family weddings, and older people are always conversing in marriage-speak. The younger generation is also spoon-fed wedding morsels with Bollywood cinema, its romances and dances, and they aspire to the razzle dazzle of the love stories, the outfits, music and melodrama of filmi weddings.
The Big Fat Desi Wedding Comes to America
As immigrants to America, South Asians brought many of their beliefs and traditions with them and started day-dreaming about getting their children married, preferably in a nice, arranged marriage. Except they forgot – these children were no longer just Indian but hyphenated Indian-Americans with their own ideas of the world and the lives they wanted to lead.
In the ensuing decades, this first generation of Indian-Americans has married both within the fold and out of the fold and created many new trends. Now there’s even a young adults romance book called ‘My Big Fat Desi Wedding’ and each story tells tales which could be true. Each is written by a young South Asian writer and is an engaging peep into the messy and magical world of matrimony. The anthropology of eight tales is edited by Prerna Pickett who herself is married to a white American and yes, did have a big desi wedding.
The book came out in 2024 and has received some good reviews. It is nice that young South Asians can go into a Barnes and Noble and pick up a romance book which is all about them and their roots.
www.goodreads.com › book › My Big, Fat Desi Wedding by Prerna Pickett – Goodreads
“Desi Wedding Must-Haves: Drama. Food. Fashion. More Drama. More food. And, of course, nosy aunties and uncles
These genre-bending stories focus on the magic (and tension) of the biggest family gathering. Both award-winning and debut authors share stories of broken hearts, rekindled flames, unlikely romances, and one particular auntie who loves to meddle.
From jewel-toned kurtas, music and dancing, to the aromas of cardamom and sugar, one thing is for certain: It’s going to be an incredible season.”
These eight short stories take you on a merry wedding escapade.
The Disaster Wedding by Prerna Pickett |
Sehra by Syed M. Masood |
A Cynic at a Shaadi by Aamna Qureshi |
Fate’s Favorites by Tashie Bhuiyan |
The Wedding Biryani by Noreen Mughees |
A Confluence of Fates by Payal Doshi |
A Wedding Recipe for Disaster by Sarah Mughal Rana |
A Very Bloody Kalyanam by Anahita Karthik |
My Big Fat Desi Wedding – Tales from the South Asian Diaspora
Although these stories are meant for young adults, just about anyone can get engrossed in these emotional love stories. They have such a relevance for South Asian audiences and it’s plain to see that all these writers have been to desi weddings galore and know the lingo well. They all know the excitement of wearing a beautiful wedding lengha, going through the henna ceremonies and the mehndi, and they all can admire a good-looking young guy in a sherwani. The weddings in these tales are no longer in Lahore or Mumbai – they are happening in American strongholds like Long Island.
The infamous desi Aunties are there, nosy and forever interfering and bringing their own spunk to the weddings; there are plenty of siblings, uncles, cousins and babies showing the strength of the extended family at weddings; and there are all the romantic hopefuls, the love stories that may develop and happen during the commotion of a big desi wedding. One romance starts in pure Bollywood fashion when a cute stranger accidentally drops a tray full of dahi bhallas on our bedecked heroine, who is herself just recovering from a broken heart and a broken relationship.
The stories are breezy and fun yet take on some substantial issues, such as intercultural marriages, racism, the high expectations of South Asian families, dating, extended families from Pakistan and India, sibling affection, and women’s roles in these societies.
Can one please one’s parents – or does one sometimes have to be stubborn and stand for what one believes in? In Sehra by Syed M. Masood, a coming-of-age story, our hero takes the bold action he needs to, even though it is against the thinking of his family.
Lassi with Lavina turned the spotlight on a few of these behind-the-scenes writers – and found they all had their own real-life experiences of the big fat desi wedding. So here are their stories.
My Big Fat Desi Wedding – The Writers Tell All
Prerna Pickett lived in India until she was six, before moving to the United States. She says, “I do however have some pretty vivid memories of attending weddings in India, one even involved an elephant! I have also attended a few weddings here in the US including my sister’s wedding and my brother’s wedding, which were both very bright, colorful, and big!”
Pickett has had an intercultural wedding and says, “My husband is American and we tried to include both cultures in the wedding process. I had a lehenga for the reception and got mehndi done as well.” Interestingly, although hers was a cross-cultural wedding, she met her future husband as teenagers through his older brother – who is married to her older sister! So, it was all in the family!
Why does she think weddings have such a big impact on South Asian families? She believes it’s because Indians are so family oriented: “Everyone gets involved in various rituals and traditions which helps to bring everyone together. Plus, South Asians love to celebrate – and what better reason than love?”
Aamna Qureshi, who is Pakistani, is one of the authors whose stories are featured in My Big Fat Desi Wedding. She grew up in the US so what are her memories of big desi weddings?
“I visited Pakistan pretty often, and in both countries, big weddings have always been so fun!” she recalls. “I love the endless events and seeing the same people over and over again. Even if it does get a bit exhausting, it’s just such a great party, and it’s so wonderful to have so many loved ones gathered together to celebrate a new couple and wish them well. Of course, getting new outfits and getting dressed up is really fun, too!
She believes weddings are so well-loved and anticipated because It’s the perfect opportunity for families to get together, and it’s a great big celebration.
Yet another author penning these love stories is Payal Doshi who hails from India. “I’m what we call an out-and-out Mumbaite or Bombayite! I moved to the U.S. in my mid-twenties for my MFA in Creative Writing at The New School. My memories of desi weddings are that they are BIG, loud, full of color, and span across days. It’s also the time I got to wear my gorgeous traditional outfits and hang out with all my cousins and extended family (not to mention, meet aunties and uncles I hadn’t known of before!), dance, and eat a ton of amazing food.
Payal is also in an intercultural marriage but from different regions of India. She says, “Just like in my story, A Confluence of Fates, my husband and I had an intercultural marriage—He is Zoroastrian Parsi and I’m Gujarati.”
She adds, “Intercultural weddings can be truly wonderful when both families are supportive and welcoming. It’s a mix of different traditions, food, and outfits that make it a unique wedding for sure. In my case, since we wanted to honor and celebrate both our cultures, we ended up with three wedding ceremonies in total!
Asked her opinion on why weddings are such a be-all and end-all of life in the Indian culture, she has a thought-out explanation: “Typically, Indian families are big. Many live in joint family homes. As part of our culture, family and traditions are extremely important to us and so weddings become an extension of that philosophy since both families are bringing another family into the fold, so to speak.
This is the time we get to celebrate our beautiful traditions and also get the whole family, sometimes spanning 50-60 members on each side, to be together. Even though we might live in the same city, with everyone’s busy lives, it’s rare that you get to meet all your cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, often. The same goes with close family living abroad. When it comes to a close family wedding, everyone usually flies down. So, weddings become the best meeting point!”
And sometimes real life becomes the stuff of romance novels. Says Payal, “Funnily, the meet-cute in my short story is exactly how my husband and I met! It was when we were in college, and I bumped into him in the canteen. For more details, you’ll have to read the story!”
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