The Single Life – To Socialize or not, New Experiences and Money & Time
Being single has its benefits. You are free; you are open to new experiences. You go wherever the world takes you and you have all that money and time to yourself. However there is some negativity attached to being single. For example, there is no socialization security. You limit yourself to whoever is open to you. You go out, put on a nice dress and attract whatever the universe sends in your direction. This may or may not be such a good thing. I mean, if you attract charming and good-hearted people consistently then you are fine. However , if you keep attracting the wrong kinds of people then you may not find socializing and social events that enjoyable.
When we go out, we may find that we are attracted to people who aren’t necessarily attracted to us. This could lead to feelings of unworthiness. When we go out to socialize we have such a deep need to bond that if it doesn’t happen it can be a stressful life experience. Countless young woman have come up to me throughout the years and complained about meeting the wrong kinds of people and have felt virtually depressed over the issue.
When people start feeling bad, they start feeling bad about themselves. Jealousy and anxiety starts to take over one’s personality and the realness of one’s personality starts to fade away. Defenses start arising. I know this from experience. Our generation is becoming more and more performance based. Meaning, everyone is out for themselves. People have a tendency to strive for recognition and importance as opposed to working towards becoming a member of the group.
Due to the fact that the desi community is so spread out and varied, there is less social security. Everyone wants to hang on to their own background and value system. In general, the feeling of uncertainty makes people more vulnerable to rejection.
Fear of Rejection may also come from earlier experiences:
For people who needed care and attachment growing up but were repeatedly rebuffed, were likely to grow up to anticipate disappointments. Children of emotionally or physically abusive, neglectful or critical parents tend to become highly sensitive to rebuffs. Also at risk are children who grow up in poverty or war zones, situations that divert parental attention and undermine formation of secure bonds. Genetic makeup or premature birth may also contribute to nervous system being on the highly sensitive side. A heavy dose of peer rejection in childhood can lead a person to be highly sensitive and reactive by nature.
For those of you, who have had normal, happy childhoods, keep in mind that it is very rare for someone to become highly sensitive to rejection as an adult. For example, if you break up with a boyfriend after a long term relationship and he cheated, you may approach future dates with caution but you won’t approach every person as someone you can’t trust.
The best medicine for a rejection-sensitive person is good friends and/or a loving partner. If a person who is highly sensitive to rejection does find a loving and supportive partner, then the cycle can begin to reverse itself and the person can heal.
xoxo
Monica Marwah
(Monica Marwah is a 30 something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)
Related Posts:
The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing
2 Comments
Right from the heart! Carefully written and words are soothing. Instead of rating people good or bad, I think it would be better to be whom we are and the rest will happen naturally. The least time taken to recover from a break up is a good measure for the next one.
Once again, a great article Monica. I think being single is wonderful in the 18 to early thirty something.
Past that, life gets very very lonely. Most of your friends have married, moved on, and are raising families.
As much as being single is glorified and pursuing a career is the be all and end all, we as human beings still
are social beings and long for companionship.
I am not convinced that a successful professional career (with a nice paycheck) can provide complete meaning alone. We need to feel part of a family or community, however one defines that, for themselves. I do not buy into our culture of “me, me, and me”.