Desi Girl’s 8 Tips for Conflict Resolution

Desi Relationships:  Fight or Switch?

An important asset to have in any relationship,  whether it is with your friend, boy-friend, lover, marriage partner, parents or siblings, is effective communication skills.  I really feel that as a generation we lack respect for each other.  I am not sure how you feel about this but it seems that when the tough get going, the going gets rough.  More and more people are checking out of their relationships because they aren’t able to communicate what they want or how they are feeling.  They aren’t feeling as if the other person is listening to them and hearing what they have to say.
When many people encounter conflict for the first time, their immediate reaction is to avoid it.  This is not always the best solution to your problem.  As a matter of fact, avoidance can lead to bigger problems later on.  Just ask my friend Sonam.

When Sonam initially got married, she was in love with her husband; however things began to sour rather quickly.  Whenever her husband and she went out with groups of friends, he always seemed to flirt with the other females around.  This secretly bothered Sonam.  She didn’t want to address the problem as she was scared that she would lose her husband. However, his womanizing ways were making her feel insecure and disrespected.  When it came time to share household responsibilities or to trust her husband when he was out by himself, Sonam would over-react.  Leading her marriage down a very rocky path, she began to want out, so she could regain her freedom and self respect.

Desi Single’s 8 tips  – If you don’t have trust, you have nothing…

In my opinion, if you don’t have trust or communication, then you have nothing.  Here I outline guidelines  on how to effectively communicate with the person that you need to problem solve with, without the option of “I want out.”  However,  always remember that humans are complicated.  They aren’t black and white.  There are a lot of shades of gray.  All people don’t operate on the same playing field or have the same moral standpoint.  Just do the best with what you’ve got and at least you’ll  know that you tried.

1.Listen, Listen, And Listen:

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to hear the other person’s concerns out.  If the other person is complaining, there is a problem.  Something needs to be fixed.  If you aren’t willing to listen, then don’t expect the other person to listen to you.

2. Problem Solve your way to a better solution:

Anyone that has taken math courses, knows that problem solving can get you an answer to the problem.  Sometimes there isn’t an answer, as people are complicated and they were raised differently.  Everyone has a different psychological role model and makes choices and a decision based off their interpretation of what is right.  I mean I can’t stand liars, mastermind manipulators, people who believe that everyone else is below them and every other person who doesn’t play fair.

3. Re-evaluate the Situation:

If you are in a relationship with a person you know is bad for you, maybe you ought to re-evaluate why you chose to get into a relationship with that person.  After all, it isn’t always your fault when things go sour.  Make sure the other person is willing to work with you.  The assumption should be that every concern of yours is a concern of mine.  You can get a win-win solution by finding an action plan that is responsive to all concerns.  People should have more fun brainstorming, and respecting the other person’s ideas and solutions.

4. Address specific behaviors:

Please don’t criticize or insult the other person.  I mean how would you feel if you were criticized and insulted?  You probably would retaliate with a few insults of your own directed at the other person.  Tell the other person what specific behaviors are bothering you.

5. Use a calm vocal tone:

Do you want to have a conversation with someone who is emotionally upset and is yelling.  If someone were to yell at me, I would just leave the room.  I am sure you would do something similar.  If you can’t remain calm, then I suggest taking a time out, such as going for a long drive, out for ice cream, out with a good friend …

6. First Talk about Something else:

When talking about something else, such as shopping, other relationships, good restaurants, you are easing into a tough topic.

7. Apologize:

Come on, there is no place for a huge ego in a relationship.  Apology is the key to making things right.  Do it!!  I dare youJ  We all make mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with that.  As a matter of fact, we will continue to make mistakes for the rest of our natural life.  That is what we were put on this earth for and that is how life goes.

8. Seek counseling:

For all the relationships out there, I recommend counseling.  Far too many people are getting married, when they don’t even know what they are getting themselves into.  Marriage is hard.  It is a commitment.  Are you ready for that?

Resolving Conflicts is not easy.  However, to make it in this world, you have to learn how to effectively work with other people.  Making your own rules can be fun; however there is a certain charm in keeping up with the old bonds we have created.

xoxo

Monica Marwah

(Monica Marwah is a 30-something school psychologist  in Philadelphia.  After wandering the singles scene for years, she learned invaluable lessons on life, dating and relationships.  Now comfortably living life in her 30’s, she is sharing her own experiences on what it is like to break away from the traditional desi trend and live a life of your own. )

Related Posts:

The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing?

What do you think of desi relationships?