Single Desi: Mid-30’s – Now What?

Where Should I be, as a Desi Single in My Mid-Thirties?

Well, it is almost here.  An age range I never thought I would get to- Mid Thirties.  Lately, I have been thinking a lot about myself.  Am I at the right place developmentally?  Am I living life on my terms?  Am I happy?  As I start to re-evaluate my goals and life objectives, I realize that everything I have ever wanted to single handedly accomplish, I have done.  I feel blessed and assured that I did the right thing in my life at the right time and life is moving ahead.

I look around at friends, family members and coworkers and I realize that everyone has a different time table.  Everyone reaches goals differently and works towards achieving those goals at different times in their life.  My life’s objectives have always been to be happy, Healthy and Successful.  Here I examine different types of single mid-30 years old  desi women who are searching for different things, yet living life as they see fit.

The Career Oriented  Desi Woman

The Career Oriented woman spent her 20’s and early 30’s in school, working, doing internships or in jobs related to her chosen profession.  Meeting men is difficult, as men are intimidated by smart, successful, career oriented woman.  She convinces herself that she is busy with work and keeps looking on to see how much more she can accomplish.  Her life becomes about achieving and climbing the ranks of success.  The only problem is she has very few people to have fun with.  After all, it is lonely at the top.  She DVR’s episodes of Alison Sweeney and Ali Landry’s new show, Hollywood Girl’s Night and watches it on Friday nights as a way to unwind after work.

Gay and Proud:

I am a strong supporter of gay and lesbian relationships and marriages.  By her mid thirties, single lesbian woman become comfortable with their identity and want to share their feelings with the world.  It is hard on a gay person, as she doesn’t quite fit in with her single friends who are headed to matrimonial bliss with their male counterparts.  If you have a gay friend, be supportive, love her, accept her, understand that she has feelings too.  Think Rosie O’Donnell or Ellen.  Desi gays and lesbians are entitled to the same rights and security as heterosexual couples through marriage.

The Desi Party Girl who is Aging:

We all know one of these girls.  I mean she finally quit smoking and she is laying off the Macallan 18 Scotch.  We love her.  But the same old lifestyle is getting old.  She needs a steady boyfriend.    Someone who can keep up with her fast paced lifestyle.  Someone who doesn’t mind her flirtatious ways.  Now, whenever she checks herself out in the mirror, she wonders if her dress is too low cut and if her lipstick is too red.  She misses her old friends, who are now married and raising kids.  The people who are out at the bars are now too young for her taste.  However, what is she suppose to do?  Stay home and wallow in self pity?

The Serial Dater:

This chick is unbelievable.  It has been over a decade and she is still a member of match, eHarmony, plenty of fish, shaadi and other dating websites on the web.  When is she going to understand that those sites don’t work and if she were to meet someone through them, she would end up wishing she hadn’t.  This girl is determined to get married.  She has been on so many bad coffee dates that she is now numb.  People in different cities are starting to look vaguely familiar because she sees them online.  She has a first date outfit for every season and rotates shoes according the colors that are in style during the season.  She has been telling herself that it is a numbers game, but the longer she dates the more she feels as if the numbers won’t balance.  38 is her magic number.  She is giving herself three years, before she goes to a sperm bank and picks out her baby’s father.  Something has to turn up before then…right?

The Spiritual Connector:

These mid-30 years old need to connect with something higher than herself.  She wants to focus on spiritually and live for the sole purpose of pleasing god.  She is studying Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Islam, Kabbalah, and Scientology.  She wants to know why we are here and what is next.  She often ponders the meaning of life.  She is only concentrating on her well being and her body.  She wants to cleanse herself from all impurities and rid herself of toxicity.  She works out, partakes in yoga and Pilates and believes that a healthy mind, body and spirit is a way to obtain a solid connection with God.  I love the Spiritual Connector; she is not into playing games or being catty with her girl friends.

The Singles Organizer:

Last year, I had the privilege of meeting Helene Eksterowicz at a singles event in Philadelphia.  For those of you who don’t watch The Bachelor, Helene was Aaron Buerge’s final rose.  She went on the reality competition in her late 20’s.  Helene captured Aaron’s heart and received a marriage proposal in front of millions of people.  Within five weeks of the show ending, she got dumped at a Starbucks near her one-bedroom apartment in Haddonfield, NJ.  Not only are we both school psychologists, but we were both single at the time of our meeting.  I am not sure what her current relationship status is.

After the demise of her relationship with Aaron, she coauthored a book called “Nobody’s Perfect:  What to do when you have fallen for a jerk and want to make it work.” Helene currently organizes singles events in Philadelphia.

Organizing singles events is great for the woman who loves to get people together.  Organizing events can help improve your professional skills and teach you how to deal with different types of people.

All these categories can represent you or someone you know, but keep in mind, you are your own unique person and there is no black or white answer to the question, “Where should I be as a single in her mid-30’s?”

What do you think? Please share your opinions and take the conversation further!

xoxo

Monica Marwah

(Monica Marwah is a 30 something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest.  She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely.  After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own.  Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.)

Related Posts:

The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing