The End of Innocence – Child Sexual Abuse

Child Sexual Abuse – A taboo, hidden subject…

It is the shameful secret nobody wants to talk about, yet many women have childhood memories of sexual abuse, as well as anecdotes from friends and friends of friends.  Now a group of women bloggers in India have set up a site, and designated April as Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month.

Here one of the bloggers, US based Sukanya Bora, shares her story…

” I don’t quite remember how old I was. Seven,  maybe eight…too young to remember every single episode of my life but old enough to recollect the one that traumatized me for a long time.

I was molested by a live-in help. A man who was perhaps in his early twenties. A villager who my parents took in to take care of household chores, including my ailing grandmother who lived with us at that time. She was mostly confined to her bed due to osteoporosis resulting from a series of fractures and high blood pressure. Someone who I adored at that time despite her uncanny ability to snub my brothers and I whenever she saw fit with her mean and selfish ways.

Servants then weren’t hard to come by like they are now. They weren’t as sophisticated or demanding with their needs as they are now. At one point, there were a slew of them working in our house doing odd chores at different times, my mother overseeing them, whenever she was around with her stern ways. I don’t quite recall how this man entered our lives but he was someone we learned to trust, seek out when necessary.

Both my parents were full time professionals with unforgiving schedules. They would leave the house in the morning only to return at the end of the day. Thus as kids, if school was out or during vacations, we spent a lot of time with help and that summer, it was this lean, tall, dark man who was our main help besides, a driver and a cleaning lady.

Details being sketchy I don’t quite remember how it happened but I distinctly recall being grabbed by him, shoved on to my parents’ bed as he forced himself on to me. I vividly remember mustering all the strength my little girl frame could afford to push him away while screaming out for help. The only person at that time, who could hear my blood curdling screams was my bed-ridden grandmother.

Even now, when I think about it, I painfully remember her responding to my helpless pleas with questions-What’s going on? Why are you screaming like that? Why don’t you come to my room? You know I cannot get up from my bed- why are you doing this to me? Somewhat blaming me for causing this unexpected commotion,  although deep down I knew she was just as helpless as I was.

Luck has always favored me and on this fateful day, it was the only thing that saved me. It came in the form of a cleaning lady (part-time maid) whose timely intervention stopped this moment from turning into a nightmare. I was a mess, a total emotional wreck, shaking in my pants, even peed in them, perhaps.  Pulling me tight to her thin, stick-like frame, she cussed at my assaulter profusely as he scampered away from the bedroom pulling his pajama drawstrings. No, I was not raped but groped, fondled, abused by this man who I called ‘dada’ out of fondness.

My parents, as soon as they were informed, came rushing home. My dad, his temper at its best, slapped him hard across the face a couple of times and banished him once and for all.

My parents punished him in the manner they saw fit. They comforted me as much as they could and we never broached it again. I don’t think about this incident and barring a couple of close friends, I haven’t really talked about it much. It is something that got buried in the deep crevices of my brain but every time I read a story about abuse, I am easily taken back to that traumatic day when I was attacked.

There have been many occasions since then, on the streets of unsafe Delhi that I had my boobs pinched, my ass slapped but all of them pale in comparison to the day when my very core was shaken, weakened, my innocence stolen by this man’s depravity.

Kiran and her blogger friends are dedicating this month to creating awareness on this very issue of child sexual abuse. Sexual abuse by live in help, including maids, is not uncommon in India. I am sure every other person will have a similar story, perhaps even more traumatic, more atrocious than mine. Although rampant, it is also a topic perceived as taboo. But I know there are millions of people out there waiting to share their horror stories, awaiting for that opportune moment to share that awful experience, one in which they were cheated of their dignity.

I applaud this group of bloggers for bringing this important issue to the forefront. There are many things one can do to educate parents on this issue, including creating forums such as this one to initiate dialogue. I have never written my story but this important campaign by socially conscious bloggers gives me the strength to pen my experience. I have always maintained that blogging has given a lot of meaning to my otherwise routine life but writing about this terrible experience makes me feel like a survivor.

I wait for the day when I can share this story with my kids, teach them to protect themselves from predators, help them understand that taking people at face value sometimes comes with consequences that may be hard to bear; that a seemingly perfect world can be sometimes, unimaginably imperfect.”

(Sukanya Bora is a business professional in Maryland who is an active blogger and also volunteers with local organizations including Women to Women Mentoring Program, Washington County Community Mediation Center and Frederick County Society of Human Resources Management.)

About Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month

Child Sexual Abuse is a topic which is rarely discussed in India thanks to the social stigma and cultural taboos associated with it. Nonetheless, research does show that over 53 per cent of our children, across SECs, geographical locations and age groups report some degree of sexual abuse.

The CSAAM April 2011 is an effort by a group of bloggers, both parents and non parents, to bring this topic to the fore, to generate discussion and awareness and remove the shroud of silence that covers it.

To learn more: click here