Over the years, I have learned to be more protective and loving towards myself, therefore making excuses for other people’s blatant disrespect is something I am not willing to spend my life doing.
-Me
Desi Singles – Man and Woman
Attending single events, desi parties and other desi events has become a way of life for the single desi. Meeting desis and moving away is the public norm and very few desi people deviate from that social setup. However every now and then you meet someone where the chemistry is just too hard to resist and you start craving every ounce of their being.
Sometimes you are lucky and the person reciprocates and other times the person remains detached and keeps moving through the crowd. Depending on the type of person you are attracted to, sometimes you get it right and the person is really nice and even though they aren’t interested, they remain civil. Other times, you can date the person for a while, ignore all the red flags and the person turns out to be blatantly mean, leading you to ask the question “Why are you so mean?”
This blog has been inspired by a conversation that took place between the Queen of All Media, Perez Hilton and everyone’s favorite friend, Jennifer Aniston. Those of you who don’t know Perez Hilton, he is celebrity blogger. He brings you the latest dirt on all the celebrities. He has been extremely popular since the inception in 2005. He used to call his blog Hollywood’s most hated website and this past year he has changed his tune. He was so powerful and influential, that celebrities used to invite him to their birthday parties just to get positive press written about them on his site.
A Mean Tale: Perez Hilton & Jennifer Aniston
The reason he changed his tune was because gay youth were committing suicide due to excessive bullying and gay bashing. He was an advocate for gay youth. He was very passionate and wanted to save lives. Perez supports a campaign by the name of It Gets Better.
People used to ask him the question, why do you advocate for gay youth, when you are the biggest bully out there?
Bringing me back to Jennifer Aniston: Jennifer was on the Ellen DeGeneres Show and recounted a conversation she had with Perez Hilton.
“I ran into Perez Hilton in a garage. One of those moments you just never expect to happen. I had finished dinner with a girlfriend and we were driving out and I saw this tall, long, lean person and I say, “Who is that?”
And she says, “I think that’s Perez Hilton.”
I said, “No. I have to say something to him. I have to.”
So I pulled up and we were sort of scoping each other out as I was pulling the car up. I just rolled down the window and I was like, “Hi.” And he went, “Hi.” We stood there like two deer in headlights. And I just said, “Come here. Just talk to me for a second.” It was one of those great moments. It was a lovely meeting and I was just like, “Why are you so mean?”
It turns out that it worked. Perez announced on the Ellen DeGeneres show that he was no longer going to bully. So far, he has kept his promise.
Tips for Desi Mean Guys
Sometimes, when you are around someone who is being uncharacteristically rude or nasty and walking away is leaving you with unanswered questions, then posing the question “Why are you so mean?” can help get a person to understand that it isn’t acceptable to behave this way around people, regardless of whether he likes you or not.
Asking a question can avoid putting a person on the defensive. As a matter of fact, you are forcing the person to come up with an answer – if you are meeting face to face, of course. Online, people have a tendency to just ignore people.
It is also a fact that a question has serious staying power. People often hear it over and over again in their head.
Also keep in mind that being called ‘mean’ is not a sexy word. It brings people back to a time where bullying and teasing was taking place on the playground. It also reminds them that they are doing something that their parents wouldn’t be proud of.
Confronting a person face to face is more effective than sending them a Facebook message or an IM. It reminds them that they are dealing with a human being. It is also worth remembering that meanness is a sign of insecurity and jealousy and if the person wants to play by social rules, they wouldn’t want to be perceived like that.
Being Mean is not Sexy
So the next time you meet a guy at the bar, think he is totally hot and date him for a little bit and for whatever reason, you are turned on and hurt by his rude, insensitive quality, take action. Confronting him alone about his meanness could make the guy think about how he is behaving.
Keep in mind, based on my personal experience, everyone is different and they won’t necessarily show remorse or be apologetic for their actions – at least, not to your face. However they will be bothered by the fact that someone perceives them as being mean.
No guy wants to be remembered that way.
xoxo
Monica Marwah
Monica Marwah is a 30 something single school psychologist who enjoys living life to the fullest. She is taking her experience and showing others how to believe in themselves and love themselves completely. After years of dating and meeting people, she has come into her own. Spirituality has been a foundation for self improvement for her and she is hoping to encourage people to embark upon a spiritual journey at this age.
Related Posts:
The Failproof Desi Guide to Relationships
Desi Relationships – Heartbreak Hotel
Desi Girl’s Guide to Living Single and Loving It
Is Living in Sin the New Desi Thing?
